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siriuslyymoonyy:

littlelions101:

adramofpoison:

dondaario:

so if in the soulmate au the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born imagine having something like ‘man I cant believe dumbledore died’ tattooed on you. imagine being spoiled for a book series that doesnt even exist yet. imagine worrying about this dumbledore guy your whole childhood while not knowing who he is. imagine knowing dumbledore dies before jk rowling even thinks about it.

Everybody go home, this is my favorite soulmate au

So you finally find your soulmate. After years of knowing that dumbledore dies and the entire franchise being ruined, you find him. You’re in the theatre, dumbledore is dead and you hear it. ‘Man I can’t believe dumbledore died’ by a guy walking right by you and in you’re rage you shout ‘You! You’re the one!’ The guy stops, looks at you, his own arm to read the words, then back at you and he says, “That’s not really how I imagined that being said”

It got better

tootsieboy:

You ever look at a girl like “she can’t be real”

steampunkepsilon:

bassiter:

while looking up 1950s slang, i found the phrase “come on snake, let’s rattle,” which has 2 meanings: asking someone to dance, and challenging someone to a fight

and. hhhooooooooo boy does that fact have some Potential

Invite your crush to the dance floor, but instead they just fuckin deck you

confexionery:

red, pink, or white roses? strawberry, chocolate, or vanilla? pumps, flats, or sneakers? daffodils, daisies, or lilies? pizza, sushi, or burgers? rubies, sapphires, or diamonds? 

zsnes:

hi welcome to five guys would you like some peanuts? some fucking peanuts?

wine-and-queer:

inferior-mirage:

straightgirls:

Is it just me or is the “body positive” movement not working? Like at all?

Other people have said this before/better, but the problem was presenting all women as beautiful as opposed to eliminating the need for women to be beautiful

It’s not working because the focus is STILL on trying to view yourself as attractive no matter how you look, instead of (as stated above) eliminating the need to feel “attractive.“

The body positive movement SHOULD be focused on bodily autonomy and taking care of your health. The best way to be “positive” toward your body is to treat it well, not by repeating some “I am beautiful” mantra over and over. You don’t have to be pretty. You don’t have to see yourself as pretty. Others don’t have to see you as pretty. PRETTY IS NOT IMPORTANT. Pretty is not your worth. You exist for you, not for anyone else’s gaze.

eggtrolls:

god I’m absolutely going to hell I’m sorry guys 

I was at my friend’s engagement party yesterday and everyone was about to do cheers with these nasty ass shots of blue tequila but I don’t drink and I especially do not drink tequila, blue or otherwise, so I grabbed a piece of bread from the basket on the table and just tapped it against people’s glasses like it was a legitimate beverage instead of a wheat byproduct 

and one of my friends was like ‘ho what in god’s name are you doing’ 

and I didn’t know how to say I would rather slice of my own foot than drink tequila so I just held my bread up and said ‘I’m toasting’ 

and in that moment I felt my soul descend directly into the eighteenth circle of hell

trevenant:

I saw a guy with a “Smart Phones Make Dumb People” bumper sticker talking on a Samsung Galaxy as he drove down the highway, and honestly I haven’t seen modern art in motion like that in my entire millennial life